


Ten Alternate Universes: Baldrick

by DaibhidC



Category: Blackadder
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - Cyberpunk, Alternate Universe - Pirate, Alternate Universe - Police, Alternate Universe - School, Alternate Universe - Shapeshifters, Alternate Universe - Space, Alternate Universe - Steampunk, Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Western, Ficlet Collection, Gen, Prompt Fic, Stealth Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 15:38:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6913105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaibhidC/pseuds/DaibhidC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The challenge: "Give me a character/pairing and I will write snippets of ten different alternate universes for it."</p><p>The universes: Wild West, Cyberpunk, Shapeshifters, Pirates, ...In SPACE!!, Born Another Gender, Schoolfic, Police/Firefighters, Urban Fantasy, Steampunk</p><p>The character: Baldrick</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ten Alternate Universes: Baldrick

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pedanther](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pedanther/gifts).



**Wild West**

The day the Adder Gang rode into town, Deputy Darling knew they were going to be trouble. After eavesdropping on their conversation in Mrs Miggins’ Saloon, he quickly realised the brains of the outfit was the one who kept saying he had a cunning plan.

 

**Cyberpunk**

“Am I speaking to … Mr Baldrick?” the corpsman said uncertainly. The moisture and smell of decomposition in the hydroponic dome was getting to him.

“That’s me,” said the rusty-looking cyborg, without looking up from the display in front of him. “Hang on, just need to add a bit more compost to Vat 14.” He tapped a few keys, and turned to the visitor. “Welcome to Baldrick’s Synthiswedes. If you’re looking for an artificially grown root vegetable, you’ve come to the right place.”

“I’m not. My name’s Kevin Darling, and I’m here on behalf of Melchett Industries with a business proposition.”

“Oh, then you need to speak to my business manager, Mr B. He deals with all that and lets me get on with the actual work.”

Darling went through to the office, and left Baldrick to check the nutrients in the turnip vats. By the time Darling left, looking smug, Baldrick had already forgotten about him. Shortly afterwards Blackadder came out and tapped him on the shoulder. “Time we were leaving, Balders, I’ve just sold the entire company to a megacorp.”

“But, Mr B,” said a stricken Baldrick, “We built this company up from nothing together! What would make you do such a thing?”

“Simple, really. They offered me even more creds than I’ve been embezzling.”

 

**Shapeshifters**

“It’s terrible, Mr B. Every full moon I transform into a hairy, barely human creature who operates purely on mindless instinct!”

Blackadder thought about this for a moment. “And when do you change back, exactly? Any time soon?”

 

**Pirates**

“Baldrick,” said Captain Blackadder patiently, “I asked you to clean out the cannons.”

“Yes, captain.”

“And you did this by firing them.”

“Yes, captain.”

“In port.”

“Yes, captain.”

“As a result of which we appear to have sunk the _Roberta-Catherina_.”

“Sorry, captain.”

“Oh, don’t be sorry. It’s only a pity Captain Flashheart was in the tavern at the time.”

 

**...In SPACE!!**

“Isn’t the Empire wonderful, Mr B? A society where any idiot off the street can become Grand Admiral of the Dark Segment!”

“Yes, whatever. Look, is there any reason I can’t get a shirt or something?”

 

**Born Another Gender**

“Has it occurred to you, Lord Blackadder,” asked Lord Melchett unctuously, “that living alone with but a female servant could lead to scandalous talk?”

Blackadder looked surprised, “Not among anyone who’d ever met her, surely?”

 

**Schoolfic**

“Detention again?” smirked Edmund, “I know why _I_ practically live here, but what do _you_ keep doing, Balders?”

“I dunno,” Baldrick replied, “The teachers keep saying I’m insolent, but I don’t even know what that means!”

“Oh, come on, you can tell me. I mean, we’re not friends, obviously, but you’re the only person around to talk to, so we might as well make the best of it. I don’t even know your first name!”

Baldrick hesitated. Somewhere in his mind was a faint suggestion that this was where the trouble always started.

 

**Police/Firefighters**

“You must be the new recruit. Constable Baldrick, isn’t it?”

“Um, yes sir,” said Constable Baldrick uncertainly. The inspector glared at him.

“Something the matter, Constable?” he asked.

“Sorry, Inspector Fowler, I just thought you reminded me of someone.”

 

**Urban Fantasy**

Bishop Flavius Melchett was used to difficult conversations with his flock. He wasn’t used to them being this difficult.

“You see, young Baldrick, your belief in this, um, ‘big pink pixie in the sky’ isn’t just childish, it’s downright pagan. You really need to give up this nonsense before…” he broke off in bewilderment as a strange haze appeared in front of him, and coalesced into a humanoid form. With wings.

“Before she turns up?” asked Baldrick innocently.

 

**Steampunk**

Working for Baron Dr Edmund von Schwarznatter wasn’t the most glamorous job in the world, what with the grave-robbing, the jars of acid, and having to scrub the slab every morning, but Baldrich was sure that a career in science was the first step in improving himself.

The Baron seemed to agree, “Of course, Baldrich,” he’d said, “We’ll make a new man out of you!”


End file.
